Ugly cars

The other day while I was driving home I saw one of these cars, the new Acura MDX. I couldn't help wonder what the designers were thinking when they made that grille. It's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. I got me thinking about all the ugly cars that are on the market right now, so I did a web search for ugly cars. It turns out there are whole web forums dedicated to discussions about which cars are the ugliest. Here are a few of cars I think are pretty ugly, and judging from the web forums, I'm not alone.



The reigning king of ugly cars is, without a doubt, the Pontiac Aztek. I cannot believe how ugly this car is. I've heard it described as the illegitimate mutant child of a car and an SUV. It looks like a futuristic car from a bad 80's movie. And the sheer amount of plastic panelling alone puts it in my ugly list. Add that with the divided rear window and double set of headlights and you have one ugly car.


Speaking of plastic panels, that brings me to my next two contenders: the Honda Element and the Chevrolet Avalanche. These two vehicles are already boxy and odd-looking; a bunch of plastic instead of metal and paint is the last thing they needed. I especially hate the plastic frame in the short bed of the Avalanche. I should note that the more recent model years of both the Element and the Avalanche have done away with the plastic. Even without the plastic, both vehicles are far from beautiful. But they have a reputation of functionality, especially the Element, that might actually persuade some people to buy them once the plastic is gone.

In the same functional-but-hideous category as the Honda Element comes the Scion xB. Scion, a division of Toyota, makes three different trendy-looking cars, and all of them are a bit ugly. But the xB takes the cake. Its boxy frame evokes images of poorly-drawn cars from a first grader's art project come to life. I know several people who own one of these glorified Japanese delivery vans, and they all love them. I guess the designers were going for the "so ugly it's cool" look. It almost worked.

This next pair of gruesome cruisers are brought to us by General Motors, probably the car company with the most experience in making ugly cars. With the H2 Hummer, they took a functional military design and removed all the functionality. All we're left with now is a bulky, ugly, hard-to-drive vehicle that is little more than a minivan with big tires. The H2 gets extra ugly points for its variety of garish colors and its tiny windshield and windows.

However, at least the H2 has some basis for its ill-formed style. The Chevy HHR wasn't based on any useful prior vehicle. Instead of being retro-cool, the HHR is retro-ugly. Perhaps they wanted people to still feel like they were driving a truck, even though they were basically driving a station wagon. Whatever the designers' motivations were, the HHR fails miserably on all levels.

I don't want to throw most of the blame on American car companies, however. I've pointed out several Japanese eyesores, lots of European cars are butt ugly. But even good car companies can make mistakes. Take, for instance, the Porsche Cayenne. Like all Porsches, it has smooth and attractive styling lines with those great signature headlights. There's just one problem: it's an SUV! Who decided that a sports car maker should make sport utility vehicles? Those style features look bizarre on an SUV. And besides, who is actually going to take a $90,000 vehicle off a paved road?

You've probably noticed that most of my ugly list is comprised of SUV's. It's true that a lot of those beasts aren't very nice to look at. But let us not forget that ugliness can occur in any shape and size. Case in point: the Honda Fit. This little four-door car is part of a wave of new vehicles that offer good gas mileage, reasonable room, and a lot of functionality in an inexpensive package. And I'm all for cheap, reliable cars. But do they have to look like this? It's like hybrid cars -- the car makers feel the punish you for saving the environment by making you look like a clown as you drive around town. The picture of the Fit really doesn't even do it justice. The retro rear hatchback spoiler and the snub-nosed hood are an awkward combination. Put that together with the tiny wheels, and you've got a clown car escaped from the circus. Perhaps this kind of car will look better in a few years, since more and more cars will be like this smaller variety. But please, car makers, ditch the spoiler?